I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We are all done wearing pants today
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
