Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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