Little spoons don't ask big questions
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Drunk is a universal language darling
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
