We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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