If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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