I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
