So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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