We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
