I looked at my own cervix.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
