So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
