I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize