Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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