I'm drive I can fine osifer
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
