Just fell off a train. Bad.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
