i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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