i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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