I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We smell like vodka and hangover
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