My room smells like vodka and shame
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
