Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
