feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
