you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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