i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
