Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
