I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
