meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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