You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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