Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
