TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
