just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
