I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
