hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
