Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
