it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
