I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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