On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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