i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
