am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
