dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
