I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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