Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He uses pillows to masturbate.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I got inside last night via doggy door
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
