Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
