it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
