I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
