one two three fourrrrnication!
he puts the penis in happiness.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
