I skipped work to stalk him.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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