i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
