i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize