your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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