do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
