How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
