sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
