Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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