We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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