I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
