i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
