I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize