can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
