i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
