you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
