his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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