Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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