I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
