return my video game
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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