I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
