they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
