Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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