4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
smell my finger.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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