you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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