I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
